THE CAT LADY
Female (18-22)
What is it with boyfriends and cats? You'd think I was some kind of jezebel with the infidelity issues that plague my relationships. Duchess and Duke, my precious purring pusses, are more like my biological children than they are my lovers. And yet every boyfriend I've had has ultimately threatened, "It's me or the felines, Phoebe." Oh grow up, I say. I am not an extremist pet owner. Sure, I serve my kitties fresh mahi-mahi for dinner, but with royal names like Duchess and Duke, how could I insult them with a mixed medley of mackerel mush? And yes, I take them to an animal behavioral psychologist once a week but for one reason only. With all these men in and out of their lives, how else will they learn to trust? And so what if I paint Duke's claws pink. He's artistic. His scratch-work on the side of my couch is frame-worthy. I say, a man who can't handle a woman and her cats is a man that belongs in the doghouse. And frankly, I think their jealousy is transparent on a "king of the jungle" kind of level. Cats have everything men want. They come and go as they please. They only want affection when they initiate it. They cower to no one. And lifting the lid on the toilet is not even an option much less a requirement. Top it off, Duchess and Duke have something else my exes don't have but want. Me. Unconditionally. Therefore, I balk at the notion that I will end up a lonely spinster with a dander-infested apartment that steam-cleaning companies turn away. I am not nor will I ever become The Cat Lady. That tale ends here. Now if you'll excuse me, Duchess and Duke are late for their Feng Shui class.
Copyright 2003
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